"What is a white bitch like you doing listening to music like this?"

I come from a rather conservative area. The population is mostly white middle class suburbanites with a heavy sprinkling of rural folk. While I like to believe I keep a group of close friends back at home who are more liberal in their ideologies, my extended network of acquaintances isn't necessarily full of the most open minded individuals.

I get put in charge of the music at parties a lot, mostly because I'm the only one who cares enough to make a playlist. However one time this summer, my taste in hip hop and rap apparently perturbed a few guests. So much so, that one just easily shouted, "What is a white bitch like you doing listening to music like this?"

This isn't the first time I've been questioned about my taste in music. But it was the first time someone blatantly attacked me based on race and gender, suggesting that those factors should somehow determine a lifestyle choice so simple as what music I listen to. It irked me, and still irks me. And what irks me even more is that I was too stunned by ignorance to even give this man a response.

I listen to rap music because I grew up on it. While a lot of people my age had parents who listened to the Beatles or Bruce Springsteen while they were kids, my mother would play Eve, Missy Elliot and Timberland & Magoo. My love of the genre only developed over time as I started to explore early rappers and underground artists. Layered beats, poetic verses, often aggressive deliverance of heavy messages... it's just what I like. I understand when some are surprised that I listen to a lot of rap, but this man's statement arose from pure confusion which I suppose angered him enough to call me a "white bitch".

What I can't seem to wrap my head around is why my personal choice to listen to music more often identified with a race other than my own would bother somebody else. Something about this encounter seems to suggest that by embracing black culture to an extent, I am disturbing those who would like to see whiteness maintained. Perhaps I am not adhering to the cultural expectations of whiteness. But why would that bother anybody? I can only venture to guess that being an anomaly disrupts the white supremacy status quo in some respect (however minimal that may be) which bothers people who do not wish to see the status quo questioned. If I stick to what society expects of me as a white female, no one has a problem. If I formulate my own identity disregarding race or even gender expectations, I rock the boat.

Another issue that this incident really makes me think about is if the statement against me was at all racist. I have always been hesitant to use that word in regards to white people. This is mostly because when most white people cry "racism", it's really only minorities reaching for equality and identity. However according to Taylor's definition revolving around "disregard", I wonder if this was some form of white on white racism. Racism is a heavy word for a quite petty interaction, but I do feel as though I was shown at least a mild level of disregard because of a race-based opinion.

To conclude this blog post, I have to establish that I still have not quite come to terms with everything. I'm unsure if my encounter was even relatively "racist" but as this class goes on, I hope to clarify that answer for myself. I also wonder if there is a conflict some may perceive between being white in a system of white supremacy yet embracing something culturally black. Or is it beneficial to evade these racial expectations and suggest that maybe racial barriers need not be so distinct? I'm hoping that as I come to learn more about the philosophy of race, I'll be better equipped to answer these complex questions for myself.